"I love you baby, but I don't trust you."

One of the things I hear the most from people is that they do not share a bank account with their spouse. I’m not even going to sugar coat it & say “Maybe that’s working for you.” because I know it’s not. I’ve never ever talked to anyone financially secure who does not share a bank account with their spouse.

Of course, if you are in a “separate account” marriage then you want to tell me how great it’s working for you. But we both know it’s not. If it were, you would have no debt & currently be building wealth. Instead, you have very little security & while you’ve agreed with your spouse to “split the bills” you really have no idea what he/she is doing with the excess money. But some people secretly enjoy this because they have no accountability to their spouse for their own spending habits. So really it’s working out for everyone while the other spouse gets the blame. However, while it’s all “working out” for everyone today, it’s not good for anyone’s future.

Before I married Jason we had very serious talks about what we would do with our finances, how we would discipline/school/train our children, & what we could/couldn’t put up with in marriage. We chose to forfeit dance lessons for our reception & attend pre-marital counseling with a licensed counselor instead. I agreed with Jason when he said, “No one ever says they are sorry they have too good of a foundation when they are constructing their house.” For us, we were laying the foundation of our home so these discussions were critical.

Neither of us saw any reason to have separate bank account but we had two very good ones to share one. We trust each other & we have nothing to hide. Not only is our finances a great way to bring unity to our marriage but it also provides us each with a transparency & the ability to be real with each other.

Our joint account provides Jason with the ability to see where I tell every dollar to go. He can log in at any time & view everything. He rarely does, but he can. This provides the anti-secrecy thing to better work for us. It also provides us with the capability to see every single dollar that is coming in & because it’s combined we have better knowledge of the exact dollar amount we have. Although I primarily work with our finances, neither of us is in the dark. Jason has every opportunity to give suggestions when he views the statements or the budget.

If your success with separate accounts isn’t clearly visible then it’s likely not working for your home. I believe separate accounts are the outcome of selfish behavior in at least one of the spouses. I see it as selfishness because one spouse may be doing everything right, striving to pay the bills on time, & putting up money for Christmas while the other spouse pays the light bill late & then blows the rest on frivolous items/experiences.

I’ll end this post with a favorite phrase from Dr. Phil, “How’s that working out for ya?” You will always see the same outcome if you keep sowing the same actions.

Nevertheless =)